


Beautiful Friend, The End

by quiescentcas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, M/M, ok now it has a happy ending!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-25 03:37:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6178774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiescentcas/pseuds/quiescentcas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some dialogue between Cas and Dean after their defeat of Lucifer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first little fic! I hope you like it!

     The air in the Impala was tense and deathly quiet waiting for the pin to drop knowing it would shatter the sound barrier. They had finally sent Lucifer out of Cas’s vessel and could get back to the bunker in peace. Back home, all together. 

 

     It had started when the Winchesters had pulled up to a dingy, abandoned warehouse, surprised to see a gold Lincoln Continental parked in front of the door, and it had ended with Sam, Dean, and Cas standing amidst the scene of a recent battle surrounding them. For a few moments, they had barely moved out of fear of the ordeal not being over.

     “Cas, are you alright?” Sam asked, deeply concerned. Cas, not trusting himself to speak, simply gave an abrupt nod of the head.

     “Let’s get out of this place,” Dean said quietly as he scanned the surroundings with mild look of disgust. Sam nodded and turned to leave. Cas, however, didn’t move until Dean clamped his hand around Cas’s arm and marched him out side-by-side. Dean’s eyes were only focused on the back of Sam’s head in front of him and though Cas’s eyes had not left the side of his face, he would not return his gaze. They exited the dark building, the light blazing in their faces making them squint and stumble as they wearily walked back to the cars. Sam opened the shotgun door of the Impala and they bundled Cas into the front seat. Dean shut the car door a little more forcefully than he normally would’ve, and as he turned Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder to stop him.

     “I’m gonna take the other car but I’ll be right behind you.”

     “Yeah. Meet you back at the bunker,” Dean agreed, stepping out from under Sam’s hand. They walked round to the other side of the car, Sam heading off to the Continental.

     “Hey,” Sam called, just before Dean opened his door. His voice lowered and he gave a short nod in Cas’s direction. “Go easy on him, ok?” Sam asked. Dean half turned, his eyes flicking up but unable to meet Sam’s concerned stare.

     “Please?” Sam begged. Dean lingered for a moment as if to give some sort of acknowledgement but in the end he could only swallow as he wordlessly opened the door and climbed into the front seat of the Impala. 

 

     Cas sat hunched, as if making more room for the tension would somehow lessen its weight on him. They had been driving for an hour and were currently winding their way around a large lake sitting below short yet steep drop off next to the road. Small groves of pine trees occasionally hid the lake from view causing the slowly setting sun to flit across the Impala, bathing its passengers momentarily in warm rays before returning them to the cool shadow. Dean had not spoken, partially because he was heeding Sam’s advice, but otherwise hoping that the silence would pressure Cas into a confession. His impatience had got the better of him, however, and as his foot fell a little heavy on the gas his brother behind him receded into a golden speck before vanishing after a few bends in the road. His speed didn’t bother him though, as Dean knew there was nothing Cas could say that would surprise him.

     “Dean, I love you,” Cas blurted, tilting his head to measure Dean’s reaction then turning away, frightened at the desperate sound of his own voice.

     Well, nothing would surprise Dean except that. A sharp intake of breath caught in his throat and Dean’s foot was immediately transferred to the brake pedal. He slowed down until he found a large enough place in the shoulder of the road to pull over, his knuckles white on the steering wheel. The group of pine trees cast them in shadow and the world became still as Dean switched off the car.

     “I love you and I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to forgive me,” Cas gasped, stumbling over his words in the process of freeing them from his mouth. In a moment of panic, he grabbed at the door handle trying to escape.

     “Cas,” Dean growled, “Cas, stop.” But Cas wasn’t listening as he flung himself from the Impala and strode down the embankment into the trees. Dean followed suit and hastily got out of the car, practically running to catch up. He didn’t reach Cas until they had stepped out of the forest and found themselves in front of the serenely glistening lake. Dean reached out and spun Cas around before he could go any further. Cas’s eyes were red and his mouth was pitifully agape. Without another word, Dean cupped his free hand around Cas’s cheek and pressed his hopeless lips to Cas’s trembling ones. He could taste the salt and Cas’s shame for feeling so weak. Dean waited for Cas to respond, whether by an embrace or a violent rejection, but when he did neither and did not move at all Dean released him and stepped backwards. Cas dropped his eyes to the grassy earth.

     “Goddammit, Cas!” he burst out, “How could you think that I wouldn’t forgive you. I forgave you for all the crap with Zachariah. I forgave you when you betrayed Sam and me to Crowley. I forgave you when you pulled Sam out of Hell soulless then forced him to remember what had happened. I forgave you when you left me in Purgatory and then again when you didn’t leave with me. I forgave you for lying about what was happening in Heaven and once more after you tried to kill me. Do you think the magnitude of this screw up changes anything?” As Dean’s voice became louder, the conviction in it became stronger, “I forgave you the second the shock of what you had done wore off.”

     “Dean.” Cas murmured, after a few seconds of heavy silence.

     “The only person who I can’t forgive is myself,” Dean continued, “I let you down. I cast you away, made you think I cared so little about you that you could make a deal with the devil and sacrifice yourself believing that it wouldn’t end me like it almost did.”

     Dean raised his hand over his mouth, his eyes darted up to the sky, attempting to fend off the tears that had been threatening to fall. He looked back at Cas who had finally raised his head up and whose wide, blue eyes so tenderly met his. Emotion surged through Dean’s chest.

     “Cas, I love you too,” Dean’s voice dropped to a whisper, “too much.” His jaw clenched and he gritted his teeth in pain.

     The ghost of Dean’s name formed once again on Cas’s lips but before he could speak Dean twisted away and began to walk back to the car.

     “C’mon, let’s go home,” he heard Dean mutter. Cas could do nothing but follow silently behind. When they reached the Impala, the Lincoln was just pulling in behind. Sam jumped out of his car.

     “What happened? Is everything alright?” Sam asked. Dean continued around to the driver’s side of the Impala while Cas hesitated, looking confusedly at Sam but not responding.

     Dean finally spoke before he got into his car. “Just take him,” he said to Sam.

     Cas faced him. “Dean?” he pleaded, but Dean had already gotten into his car. Cas stood frozen, barely hearing Sam telling Dean to wait up, watching as the Impala began to roar and pull away from Sam and him, leaving them in the dust. A choking cry of ‘Dean’ blazed through him, but it went unanswered. He fell to his knees. His head drooped. Cas began to sob.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue of sorts because I thought it needed a more conclusive/resolute ending. And a happier one too!

     It was a quiet ride back to the bunker. Sam had tried to ask Cas what had happened, but to no avail. Though he'd given up after a few minutes, Sam knew that too much silence would allow Cas’s thoughts to consume him, so he decided to continue on a different track.

     “I know what you’re feeling right now. About Lucifer,” he amended, “I know how persuasive he is, and I know what he’s capable of. Whatever he did when he was in control of you, you can’t blame yourself for it.”

     “I said yes. It was my decision. What happened next, it’s my fault,” Cas finally spoke.

     “You couldn’t have known what would happen. You were desperate. We all were. I almost said yes myself.”

     “But you didn’t,” Cas said bitterly, “You’re the hero, the better man, and I’m just a fool.”

     “A hero? Is that what you think of me? Is that what you think of yourself?” Sam queried. “You’re not a fool, Cas. You’re important to us - to me and Dean, though he may have some trouble admitting it. We wouldn’t be where we are without you.”

     Cas nodded, feeling a small surge of happiness, only to be replaced with worry at the mention of Dean’s name. He turned away, looking out the window, and said no more.

     When they finally arrived at the bunker, they saw the Impala sitting lazily in front of the door like an ominous black shadow, a guardian of the underground secrets. Sam noted Cas’s hands shaking as he pulled up behind the Impala.

     “Do you want to wait here and I’ll go in first to… check?” Sam left the question dangling, its ending implied.

     Cas shook his head. “No,” he managed to force out. Sam grimaced, but he nodded and they both got out of the car. The two of them entered the bunker, unsure of what they'd find, yet Sam was relieved to see everything in the same state that it had been left in. As Sam descended down the staircase he yelled Dean’s name, but he got no reply. He and Cas searched the bunker but couldn’t find any trace of Dean, not even in his room. Sam got out his cellphone and called but that too got no answer, only a voicemail. He left a quick message.

     “Well, the car’s here,” said Sam, “so I guess the only thing we can do is wait. Can I get you anything, Cas? Water?” Cas shook his head, and Sam disappeared into the bunker, leaving Cas standing alone.

     Within two hours Dean had returned. When he walked through the door, Sam and Cas were sitting quietly at the table in the main hall of the bunker. Cas stood up immediately, his chair loudly scraping against the floor as it was pushed back. Sam only looked up, relieved and almost a little surprised.

     “Hey, where have you been? We’ve been worried,” Sam asked, watching Dean as he walked towards them.

     “Out for a walk. Needed some fresh air. I’m fine.” Dean stated perfunctorily, looking straight ahead as he walked past the table. He slapped Sam’s shoulder as he went past.

     “Dean.” Cas finally spoke in a weak and cautious voice. Dean paid no attention and continued, walking out of the room, but not before an unidentifiable emotion flickered across his face. Cas looked hopelessly down at Sam, whose eyes had also followed Dean through the door.

     Sam looked up at him. He gave a nod in the direction that Dean had left and said gently, “Go.” Cas hesitated a second, the look that had crossed Dean’s face when he heard his name had not been missed. A minute passed before Cas was able to will his limbs to move again. He strode down the hallway to Dean’s room. There he found the door slightly ajar, beckoning him in, but Cas stopped and took a deep breath before pushing it open further. Dean was standing in front of his bedside table, his back to the door. He took a few steps into the room, pushing the door to a near closing point but not quite shut. Cas took another breath, preparing to speak, though not quickly enough.

     “I heard you calling out my name.” Dean’s voice was a whisper, but every syllable rang as clear as a bell to Cas. “I almost stopped; I almost turned around. But hearing your voice, knowing what it does to me, I-” Dean stopped, looking down at his hands that had been curling tightly around the edge of the nightstand. He released them and felt an ache through his fingers as the numbness in them dissipated and feeling returned.

     Dean began again, “I didn’t think I could face you again. Not so soon. Not in front of Sammy. I drove and drove, and my sadness turned to frustration which turned to anger. I got out of the car but I couldn’t come back here yet. I knew I’d end up being destructive, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it - breaking things. The only thing I seem to know how to do.” His voice cracked, but he went on, “I walked out past the bunker. I felt the wind on my face, and I wished so hard that I didn’t have all these feelings, all this emotion, crushing me. I kept on walking, and the more steps I took, the stronger the wind  blew, the more that weight seemed to release  me.

     “I felt ready to face to you again, and I turned back to the bunker feeling a little bit of goddamn peace at last. For a while I wondered if it had worked, if my wish had come true. Then I heard you say my name back there.” Dean looked up, staring at the blank wall in front of him and blinking back tears. Cas’s voice had crumbled his resolve and the weak wall of apathy he had managed to construct on his hike outside.

     “You’re only human,” was all that Cas could manage to say, but that was all it took. Dean finally turned around his eyes meeting Cas’s, their bright green enhanced by the contrasting redness.

     “Why didn’t you stop me earlier? When we were walking through the trees, why didn’t you say anything? Why did you have to wait until I was gone,” he implored.

     Cas felt heat rise to his cheeks, “The direction the conversation had turned… Dean… I was confused, afraid, I wanted to stop you but I couldn’t find the right words in time. You had kissed me, and I had frozen. For a moment, I believed-” Cas clenched his jaw unable to continue following that train of thought. He skipped ahead in their joint story and resumed, slower this time, his voice more hushed.

     “Then you were talking again, and I didn’t realize how fast things were slipping away from me until it was too late. All of a sudden you were leaving and everything was falling apart in front of me and I didn’t know what to do. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that you felt you needed to be forgiven. I could only see all the wrong that I had done, and I blindly thought that that was all you could see too.

     “I’m sorry, Dean.” Cas finished.

     “Me too.” With that Dean closed the distance between them in a few short strides and wrapped his arms around the angel, the last of the space between them disappearing. Cas felt Dean’s cool fingers brush his neck and his chest vibrate as Dean started talking in a deep, desperate voice.

     “Can we begin again? Can we start all over, at this moment, right here? Can we agree that we love each other and that nothing more needs to be said?”

     Cas nodded, closing his eyes, burying his face into the crook of Dean’s neck, and squeezing his arms so tightly around the hunter that he thought he might never be able to let go.


End file.
